I am in complete shock at how quickly this year has gone. I cannot believe that the 7lb. 5 oz. baby we brought home on November 23 is now 20 lbs and 11 months old. I cannot believe how many blessings and answered prayers the Lord have given us. It is amazing, humbling, and so rewarding to have our son in our lives. And I want to make a few things very clear.
Yes, Carson has spina bifida. Yes, we still have questions. Yes, we still have fears.
There has NEVER been a night that I haven't gone to sleep and thanked the Lord for Carson.
There has NEVER been a moment that I have considered him inferior or less.
There has NEVER been a moment that I haven't looked at him with overwhelming joy in my heart.
There has NEVER been a moment that I have thought he didn't deserve to live.
I have become so burdened for babies who are terminated. It doesn't matter to me whether they are terminated at 3 weeks or 30 weeks. They are a precious baby with God-given life. It makes me so sick that people think life is in their hands. When people take their own life it is called suicide. When people take the life of another it is called murder. When people take the life of a developing child it is called freedom of choice. Have you ever considered that every person in defense of this freedom of choice was given life. I currently am 10 weeks pregnant with our second child. At 10 weeks my baby has fingers and toes. The ears are beginning to develop. Baby's brain will make an incredible 25,000 new neurons every minute this week.
He/she measures about 1 1/2 inches long. The heartbeat is strong and easily detected on ultrasound.
What if this child has a disability??? That question has of course crossed my mind, and I have a answer. It is the same answer I had when I was 10 weeks pregnant with Carson (before we knew he did)
My answer is this- This baby is a gift from the Lord to me. It is not me who gave him life, but rather the Lord. It is the Lord who individually has a plan for him. It is the Lord who loves him most. It is the Lord who is in control. I will trust Him, I will serve Him, and I will thank Him. Knowing that His ways are best.
Now here is some of that best.
My sister sent Carson his birthday early and we couldn't wait. The first time we set him on it didn't go well. He was very scared. Day 2 I put his favorite bear CO2 on it and drove him around for Carson to see. That night Carson and CO2 rode around our backyard and Carson really seemed to get more comfortable. Today we took him out to the park and wide open terrain. Here is how he did.
|Look at how tall and proud he is sitting. :)|
|bad to the bone, right?|
|Thank you Aunt Katie, I love it!|
And once again, tonight I will go to sleep with sore cheek bones from all the laughing and smiling we did today.