Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Here is a quick update to let you know how things are going. IE... Some cute pics to share. :)
Carson is on the road to bigger and better foods. Here he is enjoying pears. We have also started him on whole milk.

First Field trip. We visited the animal living museum. Not so sure about this snake.

Out of the snake house

A possum???

Say "cheese" by the bears

We are currently working on getting Carson his own won wheelchair.

Please keep this in prayer

I cannot wait to have him zooming around.

Monday, October 18, 2010


Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. Worth noting is that fear almost always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable. Fear could also be an instant reaction to something presently happening.

On March 15, 2009 I developed a entirely new sense of fear. . You see, This is the day that I found I was pregnant and though I was elated beyond words I was also filled with fear. I consider it to be maternal fear.

On September 25, 2009 My maternal fear reached a new level as I was told that the precious child I had carried and loved and "protected" was harmed. This was a threatening fear. A fear that in words in unexplainable. It is a fear that hurts, a fear that constrains, and a fear that angers. You may be shocked that I mentioned anger, but let me relate it a little more practically. What happens when you attack a bear cub??? Mama bear will attack you out of anger in her protective maternal instinct. So yes, I had a level of anger in regards to the threat that I feel involved my child. 

Now let me discuss something very personal and very real. When I was told that Carson had spina bifida I was coming up on 32 weeks pregnant. Because of the late term I was not offered an abortion. It was never mentioned to me--- Praise the Lord!!!! I am firmly and unapologetically against abortion for any reason...  Abortion is murder... It is without justification, and it is wrong. However, on September 25 and the days that followed I struggled with the idea of whether or not it would be better for my child not to live. Whether he would be better off in Heaven away from struggles and pain. In shame I admit that I prayed along this line. I was full of fear. 

By God's grace, and goodness Carson arrived on November 11,2009. He was beautiful and He was perfect. Ten fingers, and ten tiny toes. Daddy's mouth and mommy's nose. My aching and fearful heart in regards to spina bifida began to heal and I was able to thank and praise the Lord for giving me Carson and allowing him to live. What a gift his life is, what a precious precious gift. 

Tonight there are mothers who just recently found out their child has spina bifida. They will be struggling to sleep.They will be hurting, angry, and overwhelmed with fear. They do not have a child to hold and heal. Rather they have too many unanswered questions and too many worries. They need our support, and they need our prayers. Colleen, our wonderful SB mom group administrator,  has suggested that we all participate in a National Spina Bifida day of prayer !!!!! A day that we all petition the Lord together and share with Him our hearts and our desires for these recently diagnosed Spina Bifida babies.

Specifically we will be praying for---

The diagnosing doctors, that they would be educated about SB, that they would give the diagnosis kindly, compassionately, and truthfully.
 The parents, that they would find the resources they need and the hope and assurance that they would not terminate out of fear.
The babies, that God would bless their little lives, that they would teach us all what God wants us to learn, that they would be protected.
The families, that they would support and encourage the parents.

Please join us!!!!!

Wednesday, October 20 at 9 am PST 

Hebrews 4:16 "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. "

Philippians 4:6-7 " Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The ride

In just four weeks from today we will throwing Carson his very first birthday party.


 I am in complete shock at how quickly this year has gone. I cannot believe that the 7lb. 5 oz. baby we brought home on November 23 is now 20 lbs and 11 months old. I cannot believe how many blessings and answered prayers the Lord have given us. It is amazing, humbling, and so rewarding to have our son in our lives. And I want to make a few things very clear.

Yes, Carson has spina bifida. Yes, we still have questions. Yes, we still have fears.

There has NEVER been a night that I haven't gone to sleep and thanked the Lord for Carson.
There has NEVER been a moment that I have considered him inferior or less.
There has NEVER been a moment that I haven't looked at him with overwhelming joy in my heart.
There has NEVER been a moment that I have thought he didn't deserve to live.

I have become so burdened for babies who are terminated. It doesn't matter to me whether they are terminated at 3 weeks or 30 weeks. They are a precious baby with God-given life. It makes me so sick that people think life is in their hands. When people take their own life it is called suicide. When people take the life of another it is called murder. When people take the life of a developing child it is called freedom of choice. Have you ever considered that every person in defense of this freedom of choice was given life. I currently am 10 weeks pregnant with our second child. At 10 weeks my baby has fingers and toes. The ears are beginning to develop. Baby's brain will make an incredible 25,000 new neurons every minute this week.
He/she measures about 1 1/2 inches long. The heartbeat is strong and easily detected on ultrasound.

What if this child has a disability??? That question has of course crossed my mind, and I have a answer. It is the same answer I had when I was 10 weeks pregnant with Carson (before we knew he did)
My answer is this- This baby is a gift from the Lord to me. It is not me who gave him life, but rather the Lord. It is the Lord who individually has a plan for him. It is the Lord who loves him most. It is the Lord who is in control. I will trust Him, I will serve Him, and I will thank Him. Knowing that His ways are best.

Now here is some of that best.

My sister sent Carson his birthday early and we couldn't wait. The first time we set him on it didn't go well. He was very scared. Day 2 I put his favorite bear CO2 on it and drove him around for Carson to see. That night Carson and CO2 rode around our backyard and Carson really seemed to get more comfortable. Today we took him out to the park and wide open terrain. Here is how he did.

Look at how tall and proud he is sitting.    :)

bad to the bone, right?

Thank you Aunt Katie, I love it!

And once again, tonight I will go to sleep with sore cheek bones from all the laughing and smiling we did today.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

fair trip, baby boy, and awareness

This past weekend, we made a trip to the fair. To a 10 month old this was not exciting until we hit the food stands.... Well, I must confess that I felt the same way. :) Here are some pictures from our food ventures. He did not care for the animals, or the exibits. In fact, both pretty much scared him. So he needed some comfort and we all know where that comfort is.

First off corn dogs.

hmmm.. Mom, I think I can handle that.

Oh yeah, I got this thing.

Here he has almost the entire thing in his mouth.

This however works better


Next up- Cinnamon roll.

Uh.. gone.. what?

Luckily, I can lick my fingers.

These were taken yesterday. It was a rainy day and so I put Carson in some feety pajamas. I couldn't get enough of how much he looked like a baby again. :) It just melted my heart.

                                                          Oh how I love this baby boy

I also wanted to mention that October is spina bifida awareness month. Spina Bifida is something that we have learned about through experience. However, I feel that people need to know what it is through influence as well. I think about all the precious babies who are not given the chance to life because there is a  lack of proper information or a lack of proper counsel. How sad it is that spina bifida is considered a severe disabling birth defect that effects the child's quality of life. Even worse is that many women are counseled by doctors that the very best thing they can do is choose abortion. We must do our part to spread awareness, and change the opinion of what spina bifida is. Look how cute and happy and amazing a child with spina bifida can be. Look at the quality of life they themselves have and the blessing that they are to those around them. They are so strong, and teach us so many things about life and love.

A small way that you can help is by purchasing a Spina Bifida awareness t-shirt. The cost is only $13 and you can "wear your awareness".  Perhaps you will meet someone and be able to share the testimony and blessing of the one who you love with spina bifida.

Please go to http://urbanupcycling.blogspot.com/2010/10/redefine-spina-bifidia.html and place your order today. They will only be available till October 12.