Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Sharing my heart with you

This past week my heart has been so overwhelmingly burdened. So broken for a sweet family who I've honestly never even met. The family is the Cretzmans. Matt, and Lana are missionaries on deputation in the states trying to raise support to go to the field of Cuba. Early last Monday they were leaving one church and headed to another as their car hit a patch of black ice. Matt lost control and their minivan hit a interstate sign. The damage was done on the passenger side. Lana, who was riding in the front passengers seat broke her leg. Azlynn, their 3 year old daughter was riding just behind her mommy, and lost her life. As her daddy held her just outside of the car, and minutes after the accident took place, she took her last sweet breath. She was a princess, with the sweetest smile, and the prettiest blonde hair.... Just 3 years old, and now in the arms of her heavenly Father.

To read more about this sweet family, and how you can be a blessing to them. You can visit their website.

My heart just aches and aches. My mind is blown, and words cant even express all that I feel.

I have numerous friends who have lost their children. Through miscarriages, still-births, disabilities, prematurity, accidents. I'm saddened for each of them who have been left with aching arms and broken hearts at their loss. 

I ran across this poem yesterday...

There are those who have a boy or girl, the lovely gift of God,
But sickness or a tragedy takes them from their parents arms.
Mama's wish for days gone by, Daddy's long for that lost child,
But children are not lost when you know where they are.

Jesus has a rocking chair,

And He holds that precious baby with oh such tender care.
He takes the place of Mom and Dad.
He's the greatest parent a child could have.
Don't worry about the children there.
Jesus has a rocking chair. 

We get so selfish,and we so often neglect to see the blessings that are children are. That all children are. They are gifts. The Lord has placed them in our care, and in our lives. He gives them to us... . At Azlynn's funeral yesterday her grandpa spoke these words- 

"God did not take her from us. She belongs to Him."

As difficult as those words are, they are so true. God in His perfect wisdom gives us our children, disability or not. He hand selects them, creates them, fashions them in His loving care. They are His miracles.

The loss of a child, or what some would call loss in a child having a disability is intended by God. Nothing takes him by surprise, and nothing happens that He doesn't have a plan and a purpose for. This sweet family has touched my heart in so many ways. They are praising the Lord through their grief. They are looking for the opportunities that they can serve Him though this, and they are trusting His plan.

I have been so convicted to do the same. And I have been reminded how blessed I am. Two baby boys, and another on the way.... God is good. He is just, and He is wise. We sing a song in our church and I think its just perfect to close with...

Trust His Heart
All things work for our good
Though sometimes we can't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just can't see him,
Remember He's still on the throne


God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart

He sees the master plan
He holds the future in his hand,
Don't live as those who have no hope,
While our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly
But he sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like him


He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you


When you can't trace his hand
When you don't see his plan
When you don't understand
Trust His Heart

Thursday, February 2, 2012


This post is about Silas. My second baby boy. As I was looking for pictures to do today's post and give you a update about the month of January I found some very special pictures that I didn't have a chance to put up. I have always intended to do a blog post dedicated to just Silas so here it is. Silas came to us last April, just a  teeny tiny little guy. I was afraid to hold him he was so small. I think. I was also so worried when they left him alone with me that first night. He was so newborn. I didn't hold Carson until he was 3 days old.. Silas was probably 3 minutes when I got to hold him... He hadn't even had a bath yet... :)

Silas was a complete surprise! When I found out that I was expecting him, Carson was only 9 months old. I was shocked and terrified to be pregnant again so soon. How in the world was this right? I questioned God... because I had trusted Him to give us our next baby in His timing. I trusted His timing... How could He be right to give us our 2nd so soon....


Silas has been nothing short of a miracle and a blessing in our lives. I love that he and Carson are so close in age. They are buddies. I love that I have two little boys who wrestle and throw a ball back and forth. I love these little boys in a bazillion ways.

Silas is so sweet, and so happy. He has the most contagious smile and mischievous grin.

He is like Carson in a hundred ways, and yet so different too. He loves food. He hates naps. He can crawl, and stand and make a mess of trouble in a single second. He loves to attack and finds the funniest ways to draw attention to himself. He loves his big brother, and anything that he does is super cool and must be attempted.

This past weekend we found out that we are now expecting baby #3. We are super excited. It is soon- Silas is 9 months old, and in that short little 9 months we have learned to trust God's plan and just how much of a blessing children are. Maybe we will 30. ha ha... totally kidding. :)

Sooo lets rewind. are those older photos I found. 

Silas got his first haircut--

The boy was getting pretty shaggy. Time for a cut 11/9/2011

He did so perfect. I remember the days when Carson used to sit this still for me

The funny thing was he would grab each piece of hair that I cut off

Are we done yet??

Oh please let me look good.

I almost cried when we finished.... This cut made him look a little too much like a little boy.


Had to get some pictures to show off his new do.

So these had to be put up for all to see. My baby boy- the little brother- soon to be big brother who has captured my heart, and made me so happy, and proud.

I love you little foot.