Today is the day before Carson turns 2.
The day started out badly and just got worse. Silas was sick, and fussy. Carson entered the scene fussy. Both only wanted to be held and both would not allow me any moment of rest. Tantrums began after lunch and continued until the evening. I think that all in all there were about 10. It was bad.
As hard as I tried I just couldnt get myself to not be upset. And it wasnt even that I was so upset with Carson. I was furious today at a condition that we like to call SB. Spina bifida was my nemesis today. Now let me say that praise the Lord we didnt deal with any spina bifida problems today... per say. I think that I figured out Carson's grumpiness during one of his tantrums. He had his mouth open wide enough for me to catch the glimpse of molars. Me hating teeth is a whole nother post. They are awful too, but today my heart just hurt and it hurt deep because of spina bifida.
I want so badly to say that I have overcome this trial. That I am better than it. I want to tell you that it's fine... I know that the Lord is in control. I know that this is all a part of His great plan in our lives. I know that. And I know God is good. He has been so good to us through this trial. I know that these yucky tears and fears will not last long. They will quickly and soon be forgotten and we will move on.
On one hand I am so excited that Carson is turning two. This next stage (minus the terrible tantrums) has me so excited. There is more interaction, and more communication. Carson lately has been singing, and dancing. He chats with me although I don't quite get it. We read together, play together, he tickles me, he gives me hugs, he drives, :) he bats a ball, he races a car, flys a plane, colors. There's so much that he can do now that he could not do just a year ago. I looked through pictures of this year- WOW. He has turned into a little boy.... sometime around the end of summer it just happened- BAM. I saw baby then boy emerge.
Today I kept thinking and hurting though. Spina Bifida.... Do you have to be here?? Why are you here? How do I get you leave?? Leave us alone and never come back. I don't really like you. As Carson gets older I have more fears about you. More unanswered questions, and I can't help but cry. I found out what you were just over two years ago, and I'm learning more and more that we are better than you. We can overcome you, and we don't have to be sad about you. I just want you to "take that" and take a hike. Can you?
This is my baby
Well my boy...
Tomorrow he turns 2
And we are going to celebrate!!! We are going to party!
He is so wonderful to me. So perfect and so amazing. He has made my life more joyful, and more meaningful. He makes me laugh harder than anyone. He hugs me, and wraps his arms around my actual heart. I can't get enough of him, and I can't think of anyone that I am more proud of. He is strong, just ask him and he will flex and so you those giant muscles. Take that Spina Bifida.
You thought you had us here
But we have got you here
I could go on and on. I've got over 8,000 pictures of this boy, and millions and millions of blessings to count. Happy almost birthday sugar. I love you soooooo very much!