Monday, October 18, 2010


Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. Worth noting is that fear almost always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable. Fear could also be an instant reaction to something presently happening.

On March 15, 2009 I developed a entirely new sense of fear. . You see, This is the day that I found I was pregnant and though I was elated beyond words I was also filled with fear. I consider it to be maternal fear.

On September 25, 2009 My maternal fear reached a new level as I was told that the precious child I had carried and loved and "protected" was harmed. This was a threatening fear. A fear that in words in unexplainable. It is a fear that hurts, a fear that constrains, and a fear that angers. You may be shocked that I mentioned anger, but let me relate it a little more practically. What happens when you attack a bear cub??? Mama bear will attack you out of anger in her protective maternal instinct. So yes, I had a level of anger in regards to the threat that I feel involved my child. 

Now let me discuss something very personal and very real. When I was told that Carson had spina bifida I was coming up on 32 weeks pregnant. Because of the late term I was not offered an abortion. It was never mentioned to me--- Praise the Lord!!!! I am firmly and unapologetically against abortion for any reason...  Abortion is murder... It is without justification, and it is wrong. However, on September 25 and the days that followed I struggled with the idea of whether or not it would be better for my child not to live. Whether he would be better off in Heaven away from struggles and pain. In shame I admit that I prayed along this line. I was full of fear. 

By God's grace, and goodness Carson arrived on November 11,2009. He was beautiful and He was perfect. Ten fingers, and ten tiny toes. Daddy's mouth and mommy's nose. My aching and fearful heart in regards to spina bifida began to heal and I was able to thank and praise the Lord for giving me Carson and allowing him to live. What a gift his life is, what a precious precious gift. 

Tonight there are mothers who just recently found out their child has spina bifida. They will be struggling to sleep.They will be hurting, angry, and overwhelmed with fear. They do not have a child to hold and heal. Rather they have too many unanswered questions and too many worries. They need our support, and they need our prayers. Colleen, our wonderful SB mom group administrator,  has suggested that we all participate in a National Spina Bifida day of prayer !!!!! A day that we all petition the Lord together and share with Him our hearts and our desires for these recently diagnosed Spina Bifida babies.

Specifically we will be praying for---

The diagnosing doctors, that they would be educated about SB, that they would give the diagnosis kindly, compassionately, and truthfully.
 The parents, that they would find the resources they need and the hope and assurance that they would not terminate out of fear.
The babies, that God would bless their little lives, that they would teach us all what God wants us to learn, that they would be protected.
The families, that they would support and encourage the parents.

Please join us!!!!!

Wednesday, October 20 at 9 am PST 

Hebrews 4:16 "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. "

Philippians 4:6-7 " Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."


  1. What a beautiful post. Thank you for your raw honesty, it is truly needed. Your sweet boy is so awesome and I am so glad he has such wonderful, loving, GODLY parents!

  2. As always, you have showed us your heart and we love you all the more for it. Our prayers will be with you tomorrow and always. Love you, opa or whatever you'd refer to me as...