a year ago today

Just one year ago today.

I was 32 weeks pregnant.

Bob and I slept in a little.

I woke up feeling queasy.

I ate peanut butter pancakes.

Bob and I met with Dr. Fong for a typical check-up and were so excited.

We saw Carson on the ultrasound, he had hiccups.

Dr. Fong said, “That doesn’t look right.” Followed by “Those are really large cysts.”

I panicked, and he calmed me with the fact that he was pretty confident that the cysts were on me, not the baby. To help ease my fears even more he recommended I see the perinatologist and get a better ultrasound.

We made an appointment to see Dr. Fok that day but had a 2 hr. wait.

We went to Sonic and got a ice cream.

I cried because I was so scared.  Bob reassured me everything was fine, and we prayed together.

I didn’t stop praying.

We met Dr. Fok.

He did an ultrasound and asked me questions. Pregnancy related, Ultrasound related, family history…. Etc. Finally, he said, “I know the answers to these cysts, let’s talk in my office. I will explain it to you.”

We sat and waited for a few minutes while Dr. Fok grabbed a baby doll, a medical dictionary, a notepad, and a box of tissue.

I noticed the box of tissue the most.

We learned from the medical dictionary and then on the baby doll what Spina Bifida is.

We learned that Carson had this.

We learned I would have a c-section, I would deliver in Los Angeles, I would need to get a new obstetrician, and that everything we had planned was going to change…. Fast.

We left the office in shock and stopped just outside collapsing in each other’s arms.

For the first time I can remember, I saw Bob cry.

We both cried. For what seemed like hours we cried.

We got in the car and drove in total silence home.

We called our loved ones and told them the news.

We googled Spina Bifida.

We cried some more.

We met with our Pastor and family and prayed.

We had dinner with Bob’s parents, and left more pizza untouched than was eaten.

We went to bed and cried and prayed, cried and prayed until sleep overcame us and ended our day.....