Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Some special days

Where to start??? So many things, So many pictures, so much to catch up on...

Isn't that creepy??? I took this picture just a few days ago... It literally made me scream. :)
Okay so anything from here on out should certainly be more lovely and you'll appreciate greater.

Like these..

 Waiting to find out boy/girl...

 As soon as I started to blow up my blue balloon I knew it was indeed a girl!!!

Girl #2 Expected to arrive January 31. :)

Girl #1 just turned ONE!!! yesterday, in fact.

 Enjoying donuts for breakfast.

 So here I tried to do a photo shoot of each of the kiddos holding their age number... :) Carson wanted the 2, Silas didn't want it because his was pink, there were pesky bugs flying around... and Elise just wanted to eat it and walk around the yard.

Fail... Thank you pinterest for another idea that doesnt work on real kids....

Take #2

Needs some editing by the talented Hub but I think those will work for now... :) Secret: Put the boys to bed.

So very hard to believe that she has already turned one, so very hard to believe we are just 4 months away from welcoming another sweet girl.

Blessed and blessed.

Today, the 25th of September 2013 is the four year anniversary of the day that we found out that Carson would have Spina Bifida. I was 32 weeks pregnant and had gone to see my OB for just a routine check-up... He did a ultrasound to check out the fluid level, and heartbeat. During the ultrasound he found what he was concerned was a ovarian cyst. He discussed it with us a few minutes and then sent us to the perinatologist to get a closer look. The perinatologist showed his concern immediately but didn't say anything... took a ton of pictures, asked me a few questions, and kindly asked us to join him in his office. I remember two things very well... He handed me a baby doll, and a box of tissue. Not much else is remembered.... two words... Spina Bifida.

We left with a large sheet of pictures, and broken hearts.

We cried outside the office, both Bob and I. The first time I'd ever seen him cry.

We drove home in mostly silence... tears streaming down our faces.

We arrived to a empty house, and felt nothing but more emptiness.

We started to Google.We would stop, because this brought more pain.

We called a few family to tell them the news.

We had more questions then answers.

We had every emotion you could imagine.

 I remember praying, "Lord, if it's better for him to not live, then take him." and I also prayed "I'd rather not live."

It's amazing that something would make you feel so vulnerable. I have known lot's of different trials in my life, i'd known loss, i'd known heartache but nothing so painful as the unknown of something.

That day was the hardest day of my life.

That was Day 1 of our journey.

In the days that followed we learned to just keep going, some days brought a glimmer of hope as we'd have good news in a ultrasound, or we'd read a beautiful story, and see pictures of precious children with SB. Some days brought more pain as a doctor would tell us our child would be a vegetable, they'd never talk, or walk, or have brain-damage.

Those days turned into the day we met our little man

And days turned into years, and those years moments and memories...

It was 1,461 days ago, and I could easily show you 1,461 photos (We have well over 10,000) of Carson.  Smiles, Laughs, and good times...

We've had struggles...We've gotten bruises, and scars along the way. It is hard. Raising a special needs child has been hard. We've cried alot of tears, and we've felt like giving up. We still have questions and no answers... We still have a long way ahead.

 But we wouldn't trade it for anything... We're on a journey. And we're on it together. With Faith, family, friends, and a whole lot of Mickey Mouse (Disney don't change your policies!)  I know now we're going to make it through. :)

Disney is our greatest stress relief

Because we're stronger! And God is good! His ways are not our own but His ways are always the best.

 Happy four year anniversary SB awareness day. :)